by Ravena Lee
If one were to lift up the proverbial rug of the vampire community to view what has been swept under it they could not possibly miss Enablers. Enabling is a term often found in the areas of drug and alcohol abuse but it also present in mental health issues and various other things that are considered problems. An Enabler is someone who downplays a serious problem or issue instead of confronting it. They assist the person in their quest to neglect or cover up the problem. Enablers often make excuses for the other party and tolerate destructive, irresponsible, or unhealthy behaviors. There are various reasons why Enablers do what they do but perhaps one of the most common is that they fear offending the person and making them angry and putting a strain on the relationship. Others simply do not like confrontation and prefer to keep the peace at any cost – even if doing so is detrimental to the other party’s health or well being. The reasons why someone enables vary as widely as people do. There are cases where the enabler’s reasons are self serving and not really in the best interest of the other party.
Overview of Enabling
Enabling is not always done with full knowledge, there are a lot of cases where the enabler is ignorant to the fact that they are enabling and they may assume they are just supporting the person or helping them. However, it is essential to determine if the addictive/negative/self destructive/unhealthy behavior is being supported or if the support is geared towards making positive changes. People do not often realize the support they offer is in fact supporting the very behavior or problem they want to change.
Some examples of enabling situations:
The parents of a drug addict who let their grown up offspring stay in their home despite the fact that they continually refuse to acknowledge or get help for their drug abuse. The parent often supports the addict financially or cleans up after them when they are physically ill or destroy parts of the house. If he/she does happen to be employed they may call in sick on their behalf and make excuses for them. The parents hesitate to confront the son/daughter because they think it will somehow make things worse. In reality though, just letting them go on abusing drugs does absolutely nothing to help them. So the support they offer is in fact supporting the drug abuse and not stopping it. If the son/daughter can go on abusing drugs with no consequences they have no motivation to stop. If their bills are being paid for and someone is cleaning up after them and making excuses for them they pretty much have it made in their own eyes. (not withstanding the health issues which they tend to ignore anyway)
Alcoholism in the Family
Children often suffer the consequences of alcoholic parents. They are enablers generally because they are not equipped to deal with the problems of their parents, nor should they have that responsibility. Unfortunately, it is often only the children in a household who see the alcoholism. Children will often clean up after their drunken parents and make excuses for them – this makes it easy for the parent to be an alcoholic. Children are especially vulnerable because they rely on their parents to take care of them and confronting a hostile parent about their alcohol abuse may not always be the safest option for them.
Spouses of alcoholics enable them in the same way a child would – except an adult is better equipped and in a better position to bring about change. Cleaning up the mess after a drunken binge, making excuses for the alcohol abuse and bad behavior, and not confronting an alcoholic about their drinking all falls under the umbrella of enabling.
We have all heard the stories about one part of a couple trying to lose weight and the other half doing things that supports the bad habits. The “aww it’s okay if you eat a whole cake, you've had a bad day at work” sort of people. Smoking is another common one. There are many different forms of enabling when it comes to unhealthy lifestyles.
About Enabling in the Vampire Community
Enabling in the vampire community is present in all of its forms. However, there is one type of enabling that seems to be the most common by far. Enabling a mental illness is all the rage. An unstable person is often encouraged to keep believing their delusions and encouraged to stay away from reality. The various vampire forums and chat rooms are a natural haven for any unstable person because most of the time they will find a lot of supporters, people who are in essence helping them maintain or expand their delusions. The exact reason why there is such a great amount of enabling is a mystery – but it may have something to do with the fantasy world some people create for themselves and vampirism. There are numerous individuals claiming to be vampires and not all of them are vampires.
So, in their misguided “niceness” and trying to “help” enablers often do more damage than anything else. Sometimes the unstable people form alliances and help each other further their delusions. For those who are doubting this, I have observed the following:
These are just a small sample of the things I’ve observed, there are many more incidents.
Another common way enabling happens in the vampire community is through support of someone’s delusions of grandeur. A 20 year old calling himself an “elder” in the community for example. A man who prances around in goth clothes referring to donors as “cattle” and “food” because he is supposedly superior to humans. Not only do the people donate to him and allow themselves to be such a doormat, the guy’s vampiric peers don’t bother to correct him. Envisioning oneself as a powerful being separate from humans is pretty much a very telling sign of some sort of mental problem .(pardon me to those who are very powerful vampires merely trapped in a human body) Some individuals make money from their vampirism which may or may not be good, depending on the situation.
The problem does not seem to be close to letting up in the near future and it is mostly because so few people are willing to stand up and say “Hey, you need to get some medical help”. If people did not enable the individuals with mental illness and delusion issues (along with other problems) then the person would find it very difficult to continue in their delusions. Alas, backbones are in short supply because most people just want to fit in and not “rock the boat”. There is a lot of talk in the vampire community about awakening – hopefully more people will wake up to the enabling problem and stop enabling.
Some ways to combat enabling:
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